Fool’s Day

April

Green again?

My lover hates the brown Earth and stark trees

While I yearn for everything to be swaddled in white.

Peaceful, quiet white.

Tomorrow the robins will show their freckled faces

and poke holes around the weeds in my yard.

Already what has been sleeping while my fingers sought

snowflakes that never flew, has awakened on this

Fool’s Day. I surrender. That blanket of ice

will have to come another day.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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Cheeky Angels

Love sets off a Super Nova, particles hurtling beyond the galaxy, straight into

enveloping space, black as the ink of my pen. How luminous it is, as my regret

loses its gravity and my doubt ceases to exist. How brilliant in its death throes.

How closely it resembles the whites of the eyes of God. And then, just like that

my Universe is a speck on a map drawn by chubby cheeked angels

and fountain pen makers. Clowns and naked tailed devils, prophets in corners

with their dunce caps pointed at the horizon, all of them

have seen Love blow it all to Hell before.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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Clint Mansell – The Nursery (Moon OST) – YouTube

A lullaby for the young at heart, determined to find rest and sleep.

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Clint Mansell – Not At Home – Youtube

Melancholy and quiet, just the way I like it sometimes.

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Jackson Browne – For Everyman (Full Album) 1973- YouTube

“Don’t confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them.”

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Shepherd’s Crook

The camera doesn’t love me, but you do. I could be

bleary eyed and drooling and you would still lend a steadying hand, like a sheperd’s crook,

to that wobbly and weary me. Humans are such funny little animals, and I am

so many of them rolled into one. One sulky Sloth on Sunday,

one Beastly Badger on Monday, three busy Beavers until… come Friday,

through your lens I shine like a moonstone, a panther black and eager for solitary paths

to take me into our Saturday. I may be black but only you can see my subtle hues-

because you look because you’re close because you want to see. Panthers heed not

a shepherd’s crook, but a panther I am for only one day and even then

my eyes possess only you.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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the hum will become one

When the birds sing, their voices amplified by the running of sap

and the eagerly beating wings of bees, the  sickle Moon hangs

in a mottled sky, waiting. It won’t be long until scattered clouds and the rings of Saturn turn

the pale limbs of children into reeds that make sing the wind. I will put my knees

into the ground, dig my fingers into the brown and bustling soil,

and carefully place the seed. Life will begin again, as it always has, hungry

to survive and bring forth legacy, ensure continuity.

And the pulse will become the hum and the hum will become one

and two and twenty million of everything. Here the earth worm moves

through matter, while I require metal tools with which to rearrange what centuries

have recorded, layers, ribbons of rock and humus and ash. Here

the birds carry the seed to far off lands and rearrange the face of our world

and they do it in peace. As I gaze, hopeful for the harvest, I murmur:

Peace, please find me.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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The Journey

Time was I hopped, hurlyburly up on top of a giant banana leaf. All greeny and sheeny, I sailed it away from drudgery and its teeth . I wanted to fly but the water was high, splashing around in my boots at the shins. With barnacles clinging and catfish a-biting, their whiskers weighed me down to their fins. And so I floated as if in a dream from the mind of the blind Monet. Lily pads and deep dark water, bending my eyes to the pallet of play. Laying flat on the leaf and full of breathy relief, I paddled on with elbows and knees. Shiny with streams and rusty red dreams, algae slithering down to my toes and my tees. Oh, pimblypoot and nibblynoot, that banana leaf was strong! I didn’t poke through and I didn’t slip off, enchanted it was, like a song.  Slippery sssssnickery the river snaked over the land, carrying me along with it – a child nibbling at the bosom of the Mother, feeling free to eat that meal ticket. While fluttery butteries danced in the air, dipping between vines and pungent flowers, making the earthbound critters weep with envy, I blew wishes and threw kisses for hours. It was that loony spacoony with his albino mask raking at the base of the tree, not me! I was still floating, still nodding and noting, while the lily pads rose up to the knees of the trees. Those spunky little monkeys dancing on branches stopped to gurgle their hellos. “Suppose, I suppose,” they said, with their barely hairy heads, throwing peels at the black beaks of crows. Oh simbelly dimbelly their fingers were like knobbly machines! All grasping and tasking and hurling those bright tangerines. Then down in the water full of flotsam and fodder I spied a piranha below. HIs red eyes were glowing and his big teeth were showing me just where to go. Up came the limbs and out of the water, the Mother had lifted the veil from her daughter and onto dry land I did crawl. Hibbery jibbery I don’t like piranhas neither their eyes nor their teeth, not at all! Wringing out my hair while the loony spacoonies stared, my feet found a white sandy path. I trundled along as if I belonged, feeling in need of a bath. The path climbing higher and beginning to tire, I stumbled clear of the trees. The stars were delicious, the clouds were pernicious, exposed as I was on the ground. Oh bataback and rapanack, fee fi fo tawack, how could this… why should this be? Twenty stones throws away, and back in time for a day, a kitten was calling to me. Welcome home, you rogue, you ramble, you bramble! Welcome home, though you left me for dead. Coming back now, you mad cow, you sad sow? Do you expect me to stand on my head? Oh sputtery muttery the cat had the cutlery and I had my hat in my hand. That river, that leaf, ran me in circles, oh boots I know where I stand.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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Come As You Are

Crackling old records and tangled old tapes make up

our tough onion skin and the rings that hold us together

but they don’t have to. We can discard them like leaflets

that promise prosperity or jars of snake oil we’ve stacked

in our cupboards for nearly a lifetime.

Come as you are, I said, but I guessed you wouldn’t. Too pungent ,

you’d think, to crack that rib cage open and reveal your rotten heart.

You wouldn’t want to make the eyes water or the delicate ones scatter,

but I am not so delicate. I know what you call rotten

is just something deep and wounded, and the color comes

from what you’ve used to hide it – it is your mineral rich mussel shell

and it is beautiful to me. Put your warts on display, I won’t run.

I will trace the lines of your scars with tender fingertips and new promises.

I will not give you new ones in between professions of love

and pride in being loved. I will offer to you a balm for all the ugly things

you think you are, and that is love. Applied generously

in all those fortified places of yours that no one has ever seen.

Come as you are, I said, and you did.

Please make sure you stay long enough to sprout

into something obstinate and green.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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All Good Rogues

Birds are balanced on branches, and I run along the rim

I am as graceful as I will ever be now, as observant as my mind’s eye

could ever hope to see, and the beating of my chest

tells me the yearning, no, The Yearning  is the seed

the flower the bee. Tears nurture the need. Love

is what will voluntarily bleed, and you

will recognize the bright line of your truth

the foolish raging of your youth and end

what sorrow steals from you. Whole

you are. Traveling upon the road of the minstrel

the phantom, the Fool. Can’t you see

you dwell on that rim with me? Cast out

banished to the fringes where all good rogues

eat free and sleep and dream.

Free and sleep and dream.

© Tina Zabielski 2011-2019

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